The Shocking News About Pre-Teen Sexuality
Posted: Friday, June 15, 2007
by Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D.
Marriage and Family Therapists of New York
Parents and Mental Health Professionals are often unaware of the sexual activity of Pre-Adolescent girls. We assume that because they are so young that they are not engaging in sexual behavior. This is a dangerous assumtion. Research that explored the sexual lives in pre-teenagers' (ages 8-13) as they reported in Internet Chat Rooms. Based on reports from over 2,000 young girls, the data indicate that for some young girls, their lives are filled with sexual behavior of one sort or another. They appear to be well versed in sexual terms and behaviors. In some cases, the girls are forced into sexuality by a relative; in other cases, they engage freely into sexuality with their boyfriends; in yet other cases, they are forced by an older male. These young women overwhelmingly report that their parents are unaware of their activity on the Internet, eventhough it occurred on a regular basis. These young women are at risk. They are at risk for pregnancy; they are at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, not to mention the psychological effects. The data also indicate that the girls do not think about the consequences of their behavior. Birth control and condom use are not of concern to them. Parents need to be much more aware of the activities of their children on the Internet and need to monitor the behavior of their children in the Chat Rooms and myspace. They also need to become more learned and versed about children's computer activities so that they can better discuss these issues with their pre-teens.
Bio: Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D. is a social psychologist, author, and researcher in the field of Individual, Couple and Family Therapy. She has published 8 books and over 100 journal articles and has made numerous TV appearances.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Sadly, Joan, I am not surprised. I had taken my daughter out of public school in kindergarten for specifically what your article is about: the little girls were getting sexual on the playground. I see too many children 'parenting' themselves left to discover things they are far too young to understand. Thanks for the enlightening article.
Thank you for your response Judi. This situation with our children is very sad indeed. I see more and more of this issue in therapy situations. As a result this fall we are starting up young women's groups as well as anger management groups for children, adults, couples and teens. As you know, the effects of early sexuality often manifest themselves in later anger expression or body image issues."As you know, the effects of early sexuality often manifest themselves in later anger expression or body image issues."
You say that early sexuality often results in body image issues or later anger expression? Of course, the big question that comes to mind for me is, why? And being that I was exposed to early sexuality, and went through some issues like these, I think I can explain.
As a young preteen, around 11 or so, I began to masturbate. It was one of the greatest things I'd discovered in life, and it drove me to desire sexual encounters with females in or above my age range. But, I was observant enough to think that every possible female I approached would react to a request for sex 'out of the blue' would react negatively. For years, I blamed laws that are meant to 'protect' children and teens from sexual abuse, and as I got older and eventually did approach a few females for such an encounter, I thought it was my fault for being so repulsive.
In my early years, at or around 11, after discovering pornography, I realized there had to be some that involved people my age. And thanks to file-sharing programs of the time (namely Kazaa) I found it. And I used to watch it and be envious of the young people who were in them, because they were allowed to do what I'd dreamed of for so long. Nowadays, however, I don't watch it because I've come to realize that the majority (yes, only the majority) of teens and preteens involved in child pornography are being coerced or forced. And I say it is only the majority, rather than all, because I know that there must be some like myself who would be just as happy to be there as their partners, who may or may not be adults, and would be totally aware of what they were engaging in and its possible consequences.
In the end, I realized that it was the values that society had placed on sex that kept me from experiencing sex, which I had desired for many years. And now, though I am legally considered an adult, I am disgusted by the thought that I'm suddenly now more sexually acceptable than I was when I was before. everytime I think about the situation, I am absolutely infuriated by how society managed to keep me from such a simple happiness... why? Why does it have to be that way?
Going off my last response, I conclude that far too many people are forgetting that preteens and teens are human beings rather than pets or things to control. For there to be a legal age of consent is ridiculous, because a child can be made to know the dangers of sex as well as any adult, like I or the hundreds if not thousands of other preteens who went (and will go) through the same cycle that I did. Not all of those who go through what I did will come out of the situation for the better, either - some of them, male or female, will become rapists or coerce others into having sex with them through various means as either teens, preteens, or adults.
It comes down to this simple fact: If people want an aspect of their society to change, then they themselves must take action to do so, rather than just expect it to happen after the people they want to change have been 'told' to do so.
your wasting your time, how many billions do we already spend on birds and the bees sex education, nobody is listening, why! the US treats child baring young adults like children till they are 18yo, they dont want to hear about anger management their angry because they are being treated like children and sexualy frustrated by religious inspired laws,backed up by shrinks that are more that happy to priscribe drugs. remember that ad (this is your brain on drugs) the young girl with the frying pan! it was pulled by gov. shrinks because it was too graffic to realistic and changed for something softer, thats what we need for sex ed, show a happy young girl, then show her naked bloated belly, show how her life changes,never graduates living in poverty, missing out on all the fun stuff,not going to collage, not having a good job to support herself, show her having an abortion, show her friends having fun on vacation, then show her selling drugs or pimping herself or sex for drugs, show in grafic photos what her virgina and mens penis would look like with herpies, std,s and the clap, aids,show her kid playing in the gutter living a hell hole apartment, filthy kitchen, no food! We need to tell young girls the real horror story not alice in wonderland stuff. government needs to get out of the child raring business, kids need disiplin from parents not pandering by DCF, parents are afraid to disciplin their own kids because they have been taught to turn their parents in to DCF for yelling at them, they call it verbal abuse and the parents go to jail, lose there jobs, lose there house lose their kids, the things that DCF do is criminal and outragous, family values are hidious, nobody can afford them, instead of a swat on the ass after the third time of not listening, yes they do sit up and listen ,its called fear! there is nothing wrong with fear, but now we send them to a expensive shrink who say they have dhda now they have a disese! the US has more screwed up kids that any other western country, have more 12yo having kids, doing drugs, std,s aids and ignorent children, childrens homes are at capacity, why! unatainable family values shoved down out throats by educated social workers that no nothing about the reality of life, just whats in the books that are writen by other shrinks that have no children,educated by momy and daddy and have never had to live in poverty living week to week, but expect parents to bring up their kids like they were brought up! Its time to get real.
Mr.joan i like that you wrote about our teens but what about the boy it looks like you are only giving the responsability to our girlds.
It's really a shame that pregnancy is considered a 'risk' in today's society, but the sad truth is that a pregnancy -can- put your life on hold the way the world is structured right now, not to mention the trauma it can potentially cause to an underdeveloped body. And HIV and other STDs are definitely dangerous health risks as well.
But sex itself is benign. It is a natural function of the human body and a trigger for endorphins, which are related to emotions of happiness in human beings. For preteens and teenagers, too many people are telling them -not- to do it because of how dangerous it is, and because of the risks it involves, when they should be telling them how to do it -properly- and how to minimize its dangers.
For some teens/preteens, not having sex at all is acceptable, but there are those who want to. And many parents forget that their children are people with thoughts and desires of their own, and so they seek to control, rather than influence, them. This results in teens/preteens who blatantly ignore warnings - not just with sex, but with drugs, violence, and many other things.
What needs to happen is simple; when talking to one's children, nothing more than the absolute truth is necessary. That's all.
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