What Parents Can Do To Increase Teen and Pre-Teen Internet Safety



Posted: Thursday, July 05, 2007

by Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D.
Marriage and Family Therapists of New York

In 1995, there were 2 million children on line. In 1996 the figures rose to 4 million. In 2005, 77 million children were on the Internet. An earlier study, now published in The American Journal of Family Therapy (2007), explored the lives of pre-teenagers’ (ages 8-13) sex lives as they reported them in Internet Chat Rooms. Research on the content of Chat Rooms on the Internet is practically non-existent regarding this age group. Based on reports from over 2,345 pre-teen girls over a five year time period, the results indicate that for some young girls, their young lives are filled with sexual behavior of one sort or another. They appear to be well versed in sexual terms and behaviors. In some cases the girls are forced into sexuality by a relative; in other cases, they appear to engage freely in sex with their boyfriends; in yet other cases they are forced by an older male. The girls overwhelmingly report that their parents are unaware of their sexual chatting on the Internet, even though it occurred regularly throughout the day.

These girls are at risk. They are at risk for pregnancy; they are at risk for sexual transmitted diseases, including HIV , not to mention the concomitant psychological effects. The data also indicate that the girls do not think about the consequences of their sexual behavior. Birth control and condom use appear not to be issues of concern for these young girls. Given the increased accessibility and use of the Internet by young people and the ability to create private spaces, blogs, etc., which are often sexual in nature, it is important for parents to understand the level of sexualization of some of these young girls in order to better address their needs.

If you are a parent, you can help. First of all, educate yourself about the computer and its use. Be aware of Chat Rooms, my space, blogs, etc. Ask your children to show you their web pages. Make sure you are seeing all the pages. One mother reported that her daughter had two my space sites: one for her parents and one for her friends. The one for her parents was very nice and chatty. The one for her friends depicted the girl in a bikini lying across a bed attempting to make cleavage. She was nine years old. Ask to see your child’s buddy list and know who his or her buddies are. Set rules, expectations and consequences. Computers should not be in the bedrooms. There should be no web cam. Children should be told not to give out any personal information. Keep all e mail and computer based accounts in your name. If child becomes lost, police need instant access to these accounts. Otherwise a subpoena is necessary and this takes time. Know the child’s password and screen name. Use monitoring software such as, Software4parents K-9.

View your child’s computer history of visited sites, click tools, internet options settings, etc. View the child’s files. Visit noslang.com or acronymfinder.com to learn what certain symbols mean that your child may be using. Go to google and explore google alert. Be aware of bullies on the computer and instruct your child to tell you if someone is trying to get them to do something they do not want to do, or you do not want them to do. Teach your children how to use the internet safely. Ask questions and offer your opinions. Instill a sense of caution, not fear. We are living in a new time: a time when the world is getting smaller, when we have access to enormous amounts of information. Children are naturally curious. Help them to be curious but also help them to be safe.

Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D. is the President of Marriage and Family Therapists of New York , PLLC. She is a full Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy and an Adjunct Professor of psychology. She has published 8 books and over 100 journal articles. She was awarded the LI Family Therapist of the year and is listed in various Who’s Who Directories. She has made numerous TV appearances. She is in private practice in Rockville Centre, New York and Hudson Valley, New York .

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